Faces
by K. C. Hunter
Summary: Rise's worn a lot of faces.


Rise had worn a lot of faces in her life and in her career, short as both had been so far, but the one she wore now was the hardest yet. Rise Kujikawa, normal teenage girl. Nothing more and nothing less. The teenage girl whose biggest worry was school and friends and all those things that you worried about when you were a normal person and not a pop sensation.

Oh, it wasn't a permanent thing. She _did_ want to go back to being a singer, but she needed to get more comfortable with herself first. Needed to rediscover herself and who she was. After everything that'd happened, Rise needed to get settled properly in her own skin before trying to get back to performing. She loved performing, loved it dearly, but it'd been such a whirlwind -- not to mention that she'd just as quickly gotten sick and tired of being stereotyped as a sexy, vacuous pop idol with no brains -- that she'd needed a break. And now, even though she knew she was Risette just as much as she was Rise, she had to get comfortable as Rise before she could go back to being Risette even just part of the time.

It _was_ going to happen, though. Within the next few months, hopefully, because for all the problems she'd had with her career, performing was in her blood. Music was in her blood. Without it all, she felt a little less than complete. Singing in the shower and scribbling songs on napkins could only fuel her for just so long.

But all in good time and one step at a time. It was a road she had to travel, but she had friends to make the journey with her. As long as she had them, it would all work out. She had faith in that. It was about the only thing she did have faith in sometimes. But as long as she had that much, it'd be enough for now.

Humming under her breath, Rise slipped into the shrine. It was early and so she was alone, which was exactly how she liked it. The shrines were for everybody, of course, but Rise found it easiest to be there when she was alone. Strange, really, since she had developed a dislike of being alone thanks to everything that had happened over the past months. When she stopped to consider it, though, she usually came to the conclusion that there was something different about being alone in a shrine. Alone in a shrine was peaceful. Alone in other places could be scary. But it all came down to being alone because she chose it over being alone because she couldn't let anybody in.

She laughed softly to herself, shaking her head. "Silly Rise," she murmured quietly as she knelt. "You know the differences. Stop worrying about it."

That could be easier said than done sometimes, though. Things had settled back down, had been in a state of calm for weeks, but old habits died hard and worrying about the lives of her friends on a daily and nightly basis for as long as she had meant that even when things were calm, she would still find herself going into panic mode for no good reason that she could come up with. When she stopped to think about _is_, though, she knew it was only logical to take a while to adjust to a change. Part of her knew it, anyway. The other part, not so much.

Enough thinking about that, though. That kind of thinking only led to dwelling, and that wasn't why she was at the shrine. This was a time for calm and reflection, not worry and angst. Reflection could lead to angst, true, but only if she let it. And today, New Year's, she wasn't going to let that happen. She was going to think and reflect and then later, go out and celebrate with her friends.

Footsteps behind her caught her attention, though, and she looked up, glancing back over her shoulder. "Naoto!" she cried, a wide smile breaking out across her face. "What are you doing here?"

"What one generally does at a shrine," Naoto Shirogane replied dryly, though with a smile crossing her lips that softened the words. "I could ask the same of you. You're here awfully early."

"For a teenage girl, you mean?" At Naoto's nod, Rise shrugged. "Working as a pop start gets you used to all kinds of hours, including getting up at hours that are best described as ridiculous o'clock. You're a detective, you know how that is."

Naoto nodded. "True enough. What brings you here, though?" she asked curiously as she settled into a kneeling position next to the younger girl.

"The past." Rise sighed. "I know what I want for the future, but the past is keeping me from getting there. I need to just let go of it, but that's a whole lot harder than I thought it would be."

"The past tends to be like that," Naoto said gently, or as gently as she could. "Most often because when you run from it, you don't truly deal. So when you stop and start dealing, you don't know what to tackle first and it all gets a bit overwhelming. And with everything you've had going on in the past year, you haven't had time to sit down and _properly_ finish sorting through it all."

"That could be," Rise said, tilting her head thoughtfully. "I mean, yeah, I did deal with it to the point of getting rid of my Shadow, but acknowledging my fears and everything I'm upset about is a whole lot different from accepting them."

"Exactly." Naoto nodded. "And accepting them so you can deal isn't something you can force yourself to do." She quirked a smile. "Believe me, I know."

Rise sighed. "I don't know why I feel like this," she admitted. "Why I feel so bad that I keep worrying about the past and how the future is going to go. It kind of sucks. I mean, I'm supposed to be confident. Risette was always confident."

"You're not Risette, though," Naoto pointed out. "At least, that's not all there is to you. Risette's just a persona you put on, an act. She's a part of you, but she's not iall/i of you. Sometimes you're going to feel more confident about everything than you will at other times. Now you're conflicted and confused, but tomorrow you may feel ready to face it. And the day after that, you may be back to being conflicted and confused. There's nothing wrong with that."

"But..." Rise trailed off, looking frustrated. "This completely invalidates everything I went through!"

"You acknowledged what your Shadow was feeling, Rise," Naoto said. "How does not knowing how to get from being a confused and conflicted teenage girl -- a perfectly normal thing to be, by the way -- to moving on invalidate that? And nothing is going to happen overnight. Plus given the intensity of everything that's gone on, it might take more than a small length of time to completely get through it. All you can do is accept that fact and keep on going. Life's a series of struggles. Including the struggle to just keep on going."

Rise thought about that for a moment. "You're right, I suppose. I just feel like I should be handling this better. But... y'know, I'm handling it pretty well, I think. Because come on, is there _anybody _ who can come through what we all came through and not be a little dysfunctional for a while? And okay, so I have good days and bad days. I even have days that aren't exactly bad ones but are ones where I don't manage to deal nearly as well as I'd like. But at least I'm here to _have_ those days."

"Exactly," Naoto said in a business-like manner. She slapped her hands against her thighs before moving to stand. "I need to get going if I'm going to make it to work on time. We're all getting together tonight, though, kind of a reunion of sorts. Will you be there?"

"I will," Rise said with a smile. "I'm looking forward to it, actually."

"I'll see you, then." Naoto smiled and moved towards the door. "Don't think too long, Rise. Make this one of your good days."

Rise watched as the other woman left. Naoto had a point. Worrying so damn much wasn't very good for her, she knew. And if she wanted things to go the way she wanted them, she had to stop worrying as much and start making an effort to exert some control or at least some influence.

So yes. Today was going to be one of her good days. The best yet.

Because she said so.

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DISCLAIMER: Rise and Naoto belong to the brilliant minds behind Persona 4. I am making no profit.


End file.
